I wish I could use the Cartman method for Hippie repellant

A woman buying tickets almost two weeks ago reminded me of the self-righteous hippies who guilt me out of buying ketchup at Berkeley Bowl [Don't buy that! You're being heartless to the tomatoes, and what about the workers? They're treated so poorly because they're undocumented! There should be laws about that (what, undocumented status? That's already illegal), but this country just wants to exploit them for cheap labor (well, yes, but there's also this tiny fact of, uh, illegality, that makes it harder to get dental with their HMO)].

I have had this sneaking suspicion that California was not the only place I'd encounter a Self-Righteous Hippie, but after two solid months of Self-Righteous Mormon, I figured I was in the clear. Yet I should have remembered, as my father often unabashedly exclaims, that close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and government work.

Today, this woman, Utah's Self-Righteous Hippie, is dramatically upset over the phone because she forgot to attend the show that afternoon and can't exchange it for another date, since A) we don't do exchanges within 48 hours of the originally ticketed show and B) we don't issue refunds. These two facts are made abundantly clear in our brochure, on the credit card receipt, on the tickets, and in person, just in case you didn't get it the first three times.

She has chewed my assistant manager's ear off about having attended for so many years without this kind of treatment, and blah blah blah what kind of customer service is this, blah blah blah, and after I hear Stacy calmly repeat for the fifth and last time, "I'm sorry that you forgot to attend the opera, but our policies are explicit, there's no way for me to verify your attendance, and there's no way for me to make any exchanges once the performance has begun," she puts the woman on hold and walks off to shake off what happens when you remain patient with Self-Righteous Hippies for too long.

My other manager asks if she can call her back in a few minutes, after which we all vent about just how evil this woman is, not to mention that she lied to us about having attended for "so many years." All our records indicate she has attended one concert.

In any case, the manager calls her back--the opera in question would have just been getting out by this time, but the woman is at work (funny, then, that she would have forgotten to attend. Do you often get Wednesday afternoons off of work?). Manager explains there's nothing she can do now that the performance is over- no refunds, no exchanges. Self-Righteous Hippie announces that if the opera company won't refund her money, she will file a fraud claim with her credit card company for the tickets.

Turns out, we have her credit card slip, which Self-Righteous Hippie herself signed, which explicitly states "No Refunds/Exchanges." She will undoubtedly claim it was forged, but I imagine that if she tries to get our director involved, he won't be too keen to give $100 to the woman who accused a non-profit opera company of stealing her credit card.

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