I'm not evil; I just don't get it.

I had a meaningful heart-to-heart with a fallen Mormon last night (over margaritas, mind you), and I left feeling more confused about LDS believers than before.

As it turns out, the South Park episode about Joseph Smith is more true than most Mormons know. Did you know that Joseph Smith actually stuck his seer stone ("peep stone", as Smith called it) into a hat to translate those gold tablets he found? Stuck his head, into a hat. In a hat. In order to translate tablets. That only he and his peep stone could translate. Once. I wonder if the term, "peep show" came from this phenomenon? But I digress.

The entire Mormon faith is predicated on a guy who stuck his head and a stone in a hat.

I am a pretty open-minded person, to which end I try to understand things that I don't before I unabashedly judge them. However, you have to admit that the single fact that an entire religion is based on confidence in one person's ability to translate texts using hats and stones is odd. Perhaps not unique to this religion-- after all, holy texts had to be translated from the divine language at some point, right?-- but nevertheless unique to this Godless wench.

I've also been told that many Mormons don't know this single fact-- that the doctrines and entire scriptures are edited to omit historical events in the church (like the fact that Joseph Smith also had several wives, the youngest of whom was 14 and some of whom were already married to other men). This is, again, not necessarily unique to LDS, but can you imagine the day when a devout Mormon, who practically memorized his scriptures, is given a new set? Especially right after a mission.

"I'm sorry, Adam, your version of the scriptures is wrong. Here's a new edition."
"But, Elder John, I just taught that entire village in Africa about the scriptures I knew! What do I do now?"
"The church knows no end to proper education. You must go back, preferably take a wife, and lead a ward there."


I'm sorry if I've been offensive, but please correct me if I'm wrong. Because I hate to be offensive AND wrong.