I Hate People

Especially self-righteous yuppies in Petaluma.

After finally reaching the front of an agonizingly long, out-the-door line to order some allegedly amazing brunch fare, my sister agreed to place my order for me while I scoped out a table, since by that point it was not belligerently early to do so.

Just before this, we watched an elderly couple enjoying their newspapers and coffee interrupted by this 52-ish woman with terrible gray-distracting blonde highlights holding her croissant and coffee. She was asking this couple if she and her husband could share their table, since they couldn't seem to find one of their own. The elders kind of looked at them, blinked, got huffy and uncomfortable as they moved their newspapers aside, and the 52-ish woman with terrible gray-distracting blonde highlights finally realizes what an ass she was to have asked and says "oh no, it's okay, we'll wait another few minutes; those people outside look like they're about to leave."

The elderly couple were still pretty much in shock, but after some sidelong glances and sighs, returned to their newspapers and coffee.

I almost order when I see a couple behind this elderly couple packing up to leave. Becca grabs my money and pushes me toward the table like a relay runner tags a relief. I sit down, start clearing the table, and 52-ish Woman with Terrible Gray-Distracting Blonde Highlights approaches. "Have you already ordered?" she asked me, tersely, as if everything wrong in the world had to do with her suspicion of a negative response.


"Uh, we've just ordered and my sister's paying." Which was kind of a fib, because she was in the middle of ordering, but whatever.

"Well, we've been waiting a long time. Would you mind?"

"Mind what?"

"Moving; you haven't been here long, and you'll be waiting for your food awhile like we have, and we'd really like a table when our food arrives. Plus my husband's knees really aren't great for standing, and my feet hurt."

"Well, um, I don't see a sign indicating we're supposed to wait until we order to sit, and my sister and I waited to sit until we reached the front of the line anyway so that people who had already ordered could find tables; I saw several tables open up in the half hour we've been in line. Why did you wait until now?"

"Well, we deserve it more, so if you'd kindly move, that'd be great."


I caved, thinking at the very least I would win Karma points. My sister looked at me, appalled, that the woman we had just witnessed disturb at least one other table had also entirely usurped a claimed table. Our table.

After another 20 minutes of waiting around for a table to open up, I considered asking 52-ish Woman with Terrible Gray-Distracting Blonde Highlights if she would mind sharing our table, but she had so victoriously leaned against the corner and spread her legs across the padded bench (her feet hurt), that the whole bench was contaminated with her indignity.

Finally, a kind father and daughter finished up their omelettes and french toast and offered us their slightly larger, closer-to-the-door/line table, which only made me more annoyed that our quiet bungalow in the back countryside had been so bitterly overtaken by an aging woman with bad hair. I sincerely hope her menopause is godawful.

For extra Karma points, we offered to share our table with a couple who was behind us in line, who quite gratefully accepted and kept to themselves in their corner.

The food was awesome, but not worth $16 and the 52-ish Woman with Terrible Gray-Distracting Blonde Highlights. Perhaps a weekday would be better.